My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
