the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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