True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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