are you so shy because you have an std?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
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