Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
