my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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