If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
