Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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