Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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