That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
a search helicopter?!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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