your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
