you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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