I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
