planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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