I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
