OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
