Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
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