ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
