...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I have post one night stand depression
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