i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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