official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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