I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
