Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
