Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
