Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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