i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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