Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
