How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
