drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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