I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So much rum. So many feels.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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