can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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