After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
