One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
