party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Randomize
