I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
