i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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