My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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