plz talk dirty to me
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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