dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Michael Bay diarrhea
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
