Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
