This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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