And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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