your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
