Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
