no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
