I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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