Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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