Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
