at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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