Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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