Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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