if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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