4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just wanna soil my oats bro
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
