I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
