you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
