i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
even my farts smell like vagina
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sext me about skeletons
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
