Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
